voice mail

Hi?

"Hi, this is _. I'm unable to answer your call right now so please leave a message. Cheers!"

"Record your message after the tone. Beep."

I just want you to know that I miss you. I miss holding your hand, I miss lying on the floor of your room, I miss that look in your eyes as you mao at me. I'm happy for you that you're enjoying yourself right now & I hope that in between waking moments, I would cross your mind. That's all, I guess. Crossing days off the calendar till the day I see you again. Big hugs.

"Beep."

16/4/12

thunderbolt & lightning, very very frightening me

30/3/12

i regretted my decision the moment i stepped out of your gate & heard the resounding clang of your door closing. the sound of a closed door always add a level of finality. in that second when i took another step towards the lift & away from you, i wanted to turn & run back towards you. the air condition in your room is always much too cold for me, but it's a handy excuse for snuggling among your sheets or stealing your Greendale Community College hood, just to have your smell around me. besides, who is afraid of the cold when there's someone around to cuddle hurhurhur.

(i felt a stab of guilt even as i recall these mundane details, these Thoughts are unacceptable, oh imagine how you would feel if you actually found out! i sked also.)

 the clash of thunder outside shakes its fist at us threateningly, but we're cooped up in your room, warm & safe. kat barged in, headfirst, like an angry little beast, seeking refuge from the brewing storm. i rested my head on your shoulder, my face mere inches from your neck. impulses kicked in, a dozen fire alarms going off at the same time in my head. i took a soft intake of breath, the smell of fresh clean laundry filled my nostrils, the smell of you. i wasn't in the most comfortable of positions but who cares, so long as the negative spaces between us were eliminated.

(it is your best friend whom i'm suppose to be developing feeling for, damnit. but life is full of surprises.)

i could go on and on and on and i will. your silliness as you bustled around the room while i flopped on the floor. you deliberately opened the wardrobe's door even as my head was in the way and conveniently push me to one side, with the door. how stupid i must have looked but i didn't care (not very much at least) as a smile creeped across your face & you "humph" at me. when we spent close to an hour in Muji, examining almost every object as if they were precious artifacts, testing the comfort level of their furniture & reaching a consensus that the ground-level chair is zee best. you plonked yourself on it, & gestured me to do the same. yes, we could both lounged comfortably on that chair & read a book. how incredibly ideal this image is, in my head.

units of measurement

people measure by units of measurement, 

set long before the age of time,

i measure by the day when we first met,

by the moments we had together,

by the day i realized how i actually feel about you.

21/4/12

burns

A captured moment

An alluring look

burns me up like a matchstick

heartbeat faster fasterfastfastfasfa--

30/4/12

untitled

i tucked the memories of us into my pockets

jiggling as i walk

hello my name

(hello my name is Nokia)

it sat forlornly on the edge of my bed, abandoned

but not quite forgotten.

a nudge or two in the middle of the night,

existential crisis that I ignored.

dusty, the twinkle in its eye almost gone.

it simply laid there, the advocator of silence.

but deep inside, a brimming pool of secrets, endearments, jokes.

intangible moments made real,

in the form of awkwardly phrased feelings that are hard to express.

this is as real as real gets.

desperately trying to substitute this love with inconsequential behaviour

i'm afraid to open this Pandora Box

and release those demons I fought so hard to contain.

14/04/12